Anime

My sister was recently turned into a demon and so I have decided to become a demon hunter in order to find a way for her to be restored to human form. I passed the test to become a demon slayer and in doing so I was given a sword capable of cutting demon flesh. These swords change color when grasped and mine turns black when I grasp it which is very unusual. I walk about my life and the people in the street have no idea that behind my cool demeanor, I'm actually a demon slayer. Haven't been laid in months.

When I saw the break of day, I wished that I could fly away

I just remembered that when I was a kid I saw that my dad had bought a Nora Jones CD. I told him that he was gay and he completely spazzed, saying "it's not gay, she's actually really good." 

Every boy wants his dad listening to AC/DC, not singing along to "don't know why" as he hugs himself by candle light. 

That was the day I found out Dad was gay.

Life of a Thug

The neighborhood kids call me an OG, old head and Unc. I wake up every morning and put a zyn in my gums straight away, can't bear one second of this life without nicotine, never could. My breakfast is nicotine and coffee, that's how it should be, making a fuss over breakfast is for ladies. The boys in desert storm never needed an avocado on toast and neither do I. Leaving the house my neighbor 'fancy Dan' tells me he's got hay fever. These days everyone has hay fever, I've probably had hay fever my whole life but never knew it was hay fever because I'm not a fucking pussy. 

Class

Today one of my university class mates was saying that as women there is societal pressure on women to be nice and agreeable and I thought about saying "Geez, you should tell that to my ex". I decided to not say it but that would have been funny I reckon. 

Truth is stranger than fiction

After a busy day spent listening to Chapelle Roan and reading feminist literature I decided to watch a British crime show on the TV. One of the police officers used the colloquialism "trouble and strife" to refer to his wife. Now, I consider myself a sensitive fella and it is 2025, but that's some good slang right there. 

It's a cold world

Day two of the common cold. To put things in perspective I currently have a three liter bottle of Pepsi Max. I don't think cunts know how big a three liter bottle of Pepsi actually is, because outside of the supermarket you don't come into contact with them very often. They are fucking massive. 

Last night I had a hypnagogic mental hallucination caused by my fever. The bed became a spreadsheet of different coordinates. It functioned as an order of different places my body had to make contact with the bed at certain times. In reality I was extremely restless and rocking all over the bed but my fever dream made it seem like I was actually performing a specific task in line with the spreadsheet's demands. I remember thinking that there was no way I could finish the order in time. When I tell you I was cooking brother, I was cooking. I came out of it at 1:30 am and realised that I had completely lost the plot and took two Valium to get my head straight. 

Four seconds from midnight

The year is 2035, the keto flu has officially been added to the Harvard medical dictionary. The doomsday clock is now four seconds from midnight. Paris has become infested with rats. The only people who still live there are failed art curators whose jobs were wiped out in the most recent recession. As rat has become the society's primary source of protein, the curator's new economy centers around rat meat. The curators have devised unique ways of sustainably accumulating rat meat. They have found a way to harvest the meat from a living rat by cutting off specific muscle groups and not others. The particular biological construct of the Parisian rat allows it to regenerate its lost muscle tissue without the loss of its life. There are specialists in the Parisian community known as "Doctors" whose role it is to surgically remove as much rat meat as possible while still leaving it alive. The curators have thus turned 'rat hunting' into 'rat harvesting' and in doing so have made their most valuable contribution to human culture.